She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
