And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
