i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
