i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Actions speak louder than pants.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
