Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
