Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
