Sponge bath it is.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
