Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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