I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
