Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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