You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
