Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
