if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
