he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Randomize
