And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
