dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Randomize
