He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
