Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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