we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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