some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
