Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Randomize
