Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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