Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Randomize
