Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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