Acid is not a monday night drug
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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