your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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