How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
