I'm jealous of your bromance
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I just forgot I was standing up.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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