last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize
