a queef is a wish your heart makes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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