she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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