My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
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