Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
