If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
my being single is dangerous.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Green mimosas i think yes
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
