need another drink. this is the easiest way
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
you had me at cake vodka
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
