I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
