Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
