Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
