Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
