she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
My brain says no but my pants say off.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize
