i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
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