i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
