I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
