Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Randomize
