You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
