chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
How does one acquire holy water?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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