uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
