dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
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