that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
ok first of all what the fuck
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Randomize
