watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
Randomize
