Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Randomize
