So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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