this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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