Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
