my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
