drunk tastebuds have low standards.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
You took a bar mat shot.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
